Life

my life has been steady, in short - it’s been boring. i just go with the flow. although, i have a decent job and it pays good enough, i often still wonder what happens to the dreams i have built when i was still in school and i promised to fulfill right after my graduation….

i know that i have been doing something which i don’t love and i have been in constant pursuit of real happiness… i know i’ve been wanting to quit, but the question that i keep asking is where do i go from here.

i’ve been inspired bysuccess stories i read, those rags to riches stories of Dave Longaborger, of John Gokongwei and the likes, and have wanted to try my luck on the path they’ve taken. but i’m always afraid of starting my own story, or perhaps the better word for it is - undetermined.

as i look back at my life, i’ve realized how time changed me as a person, how situations demotivated me and how my thoughts on life has changed. factors are the environment, the people who surround me and many other things. my goal in life everyday has become to avoid tardiness, to pass my scorecard every month, get bonus, and so on and so forth. gone was the desire to start my own restaurant, to have my own expensive car and my vacation house in Fuego… i have now become dependent to the pay which the multicorporation i work for provides me.  

i evaluated myself and i reasoned out that i’m just finishing at least a 2-year job experience for a future scholarship abroad, but truth is, i’m not sure if i still will pursue it.. at this time, i’m just exhausted with my way of life and i’m sick-tired of proving myself.

maybe i’m just in this stage where i’m still hybernating and evaluating my choices in life; the choices i took and its long term-effect and hopefully these would help me to make better choices for my life in the future.

i’m giving myself another 2 years (outmost) to reach the dreams i’ve built a long time ago. if it doesnt work out well in those 2 years, there is always Boston or LA or Chicago… i’ll work my ass off to be qualified for a work visa there and start my life anew… even if i have to plead on my knees to my aunt, i don’t really care… i’ve been working so hard and have been disappointed a lot of times that i deserve true happiness.

so God please bless me!

posted on my multiply blog on Jun 29, ‘09

pcd concert in manila (july 11 2009)

At around 8:00 pm (?) MTV VJs came to the stage and introduced the opening act. Not known striving Fil-Am hiphop group . They sang this song called “Mainit. sa harap sa likod kaliwa kanan… ” Whatever!

Then Philippine All-Stars danced a bit. By 8:30 pm the act ended… we waited for what seemed like an eternity before PCD showed up!! They played some house music forever…. whenever it stops, people would be screaming, thinking the girls were comin out…

But then again, they played a new set of music

Finally they came to stage…. intro.. dya know that motorcycle video intro they use to show in their tour?

List of songs:

Takin’ Over the World
Beep
I Don’t Need A Man
Elevator
I Hate This Part (the crowd sang along & blended so well, it made Nicole so happy; showed in her face)
Buttons

They introduced themselves and included Jessica (she’s healing a broken rib; you get well Jess). “I’m Melody… the youngest in the group so you can call me baby doll…” Melody was so kulit…  ”I’m Nicole…” of course you guys know how much louder was the cheer for her.
They had their own lil speech.

Nicole said Mahal Ko Kayo  haha… of course the pinoys went gaga….

Wait A Minute
Nicole went solo for Halo; then a video about PCD in the past
Melody, Kimberly and Ashley did a Big Spender song and dance number but Melody took care most of the vocal part

Nicole again, then
Whatcha Think About That
Bottle Pop
there was this audience participation for Bottle Pop…. 3 fans on stage dancing Bottle Pop; i dunno them and have no idea how they were chosen… Nicole went backstage for costume change… the 2nd contestant won; she got the crowd roaring… hehe…

Hush Hush;Hush Hush
A lil speech again by PCD, crowd thought it was the end

Nope. There’s more… Nicole said so,”not yet”

Stick wit u. The crowd was singing along… I sang along too. haha

They said that was it.. but the crowd said na-ah and sreamed for more! “More! More!”

Encore:
Don’t Cha
Jai Ho
When I Grow Up

the end

fireworks display

really the end

My comments / reaction: Nicole said that their 1st visit here (July 2003) was the most memorable concert they ever had and she wanted this concert to be better. Said 2003 was magical and wants to have it as magical. “Let’s make history, Manila!”

Wasnt as magical as the 1st time. The roaring of the crowd then gave me goose bumps… every single moment was spectacular and this magic was what made Nicole cry. It was not there this time. Maybe it was because it was an open ground and it was hot and people can barely see them from where they stand. Was literally jampacked and the stage was chaep.. eww.. All you could see are the heads of the persons next to you. (Lucky for me, I got a nice view of the stage and the wide screen was right there in front of me.) I guess, the missing girl - Jessica, was a factor. And I missed Carmit… where are you Carmit? . You can feel the lack of back up dancers in mosts numbers.

Overall it was good.. it had more audience but it didn’t surpassed the level of excitement of the 1st PCD concert. That’s still is in my list as the top concert I’ve seen ever.

So I suggest that they get a replacement for Carmit. There’s Melissa Reyes ! Come on guys, she can do it

I hope Melody’s knee was completely healed before this concert, cuz if not, with those dancing, it could become worse.

On their outfits: They were more decently dressed (????) than the 1st tour. On 2003 most of them were just wearing panties and bras (haha) but now they have these hip hoppy / skinny pants which were tucked onto their rubber boots. I was expecting a Rihanna’s Disturbia outfit, but they were covered…

Them clothes were shinny & shimmering splendid . All of them.

The girls are skinny; no not skinny but “fat less” ; and they’ve got good skin… very much kinis… just like my skin

What I liked most about the show:

Ashley’s messed up hair. She’s sexy with it. Nicole’s Nike Dunk sneakers. Melody’s sunny personality. Kimberly’s dance moves. Nicole’s being bolera, haha  & did I say Ashley looked great

So thank you Clear Shampoo for the concert. Thank you Robin Antin for creating PCD! And thank God it didnt rain. You guys come back again but please hold it in Araneta.. I have not like open ground concerts ever, pls!!!!!!

i love ripped skinny & not so skinny jeans

are not them lovely????

anyhoo, im’na get a new pair at zara soon hehe

today

*** copied from my multiply blog; was written on Apr 16 20009 night ***

i saw mike today (again)… as usual he looks so cute in his green uniform. he served my food & drinks. and deo & bebe were so jealous of me. jajajaja

so who is mike? mike is kenny roger’s store manager. we noticed him right after the 1st visit to that branch. we were hoping that he will serve our food so we could take a more intense look at him. jajaja

i ordered a burger steak meal & was really informed by the crew who took the order that it would take 15 mins to cook. so the 2 were already eating & i was still waiting. i took the “number” & tapped it to the table. then we glanced at the counter & saw that the handsome devil was smiling towards our direction. he might have found it amusing… jajajaja

lucky enough for me, he served the food & apologized for the delay but there’s no really delay. i joked him that i was just kidding when poking that number to the table…. the guys i was  with were laughing their ass off… thus, it was the start of a new beginning (charing). from then on we have been looking forward to seeing him whenver we dine in there…. (wink wink)

the folowing week, we were saddened when  mike wasnt there at the counter area, manning the food & bullying his crew (joke joke; he won’t do this; he’s a nice dude; trust me)

so we sadly ate our roasted chicken meal… it was boring, i swear; but i was constantly thinking about mike.. jajaja; of how cute his smile is; of how cute his eyes are… (sigh)

then when we were about to leave, he just appeared from nowhere and gave this wide smile to me (blush blush). bebe even looked back towards his direction & smiled back to him, too.. jajaja.. when we just pulled the door out to our way, we laughed with all our heart… we just understood each other. it was mike, it was mike; my mike jajaja

then today i was the last in line of us four (deo, bebe & bajoy). when i was about to carry my tray of iced tea, someone from my behind said he’ll do it; i looked towards him & it as mike… (blush blush); it is really my day, he brought my food to our table & we guys were just laughing… we talked about him until the end of the shift & maybe we’ll talk about him until tomorrow

(pls note that some of the situations were exaggerated)

dreams / heartaches

Finished watching Gossip Girl S2 E19. Love this scene so very much:

Blair is alone in an empty room. Nate walks in…

Nate: Hey… what are you doing right here?

Blair: I don’t know.

N: Well here, take that. *N slips jacket onto B’s shoulders*

B: Can you remember the first time you brought me here? When we first started dating… we were like…

N: 12 or 13.. *laughs*

B: We used to talk about our future... *teary eyed* … How perfect everything would be… remember?

N: Yeah…

B: What happened? Why did everything get so screwed up?  *cries* This isn’t how it’s supposed to be. I don’t know who I am anymore. What am I supposed to do? I feel so…

N: …lost.

*B stares at N, N sits beside her*

N: Do you remember when we used to watch your favorite movies over and over again? Like Tiffany’s and Holiday… it used to drive me nuts.

B: Is this a pep talk?

N: No. I finally asked you…w hy are you watching movies you’ve already seen? Remember what you said?

B: *nods*. I like knowing how things are gonna work out.

N : Exactly.

Hmmn, turns out today isn’t the best day at work. Someone just popped out a not so nice message on my screen. Heck, is this not gonna end? I’m sick tired of it. I want my privacy badly! An old issue that I thought would just die but it didn’t, the person involved is haunted by some weird imaginations that I’m meddling into her business. Sucks! Ain’t a Jolie nor a Garner nor a queen… Sorry got no time for nonsense. So just get a life!

Lessons from Gossip Girl’s Speak of the Week

 Welcome to Gossip Guide, where you can master Gossip Girl’s upcoming Speak of the week.

Lesson  # 56. Ment-Whore – an influential figure with multiple proteges who engages in sabotage, deceipt and occasional game of Lesson # 17, Hiding the Humphrey.

Think Ms. Carr, she’s Serena’s ment-whore. You know her and Dan Humphrey have an affair.

Lesson # 39. Blairanoid – the belief that everyone is jealous of your perfection and therefore, is out to get you. The common side effect of Blairanoia is Lesson # 14, Dorot-Abuse.

Lesson # 22. Bass-Talk – the unique vocabulary that stands from the name Chuck Bass such as Basshole, Basstard and Motherchucker. His behavior often labelled as Bassonine can lead to Lesson # 6, a Blair Witch Hunt.

 Remember: Gossip Frequent, Gossip Fluent

Oh MY G! I love this show

so long tl kazel :(

** I composed this on my phone while on my way home inside a jeepney, teary eyed and was sniffling the whole time… Wajajaja! Other passengers were like giving me a questioning look but I did not care at all. **

** As I was blogging this, all the effing sad music were playing on the background. Suddenly, Chris Brown was singing to me “Say Goodbye”, Leona Lewis - “Yesterday”, Jennifer Hudson “Leaving Tonight”, and Ne-Yo sang “Waiting”. What the effing heck… Bull crap… Poofttffff naman!!! I’m crying! Cuz I’m gonna miss her.”

I was staring at my pc monitor, wondering what’s to come. I saw it all coming but I was never prepared. My seatmate, Allain, told me during the first break that OM wanted to speak to TL but she pleaded to do it later for she might not be able to work sanely for the rest of the shift. We assumed she will be leaving Walmart. I was teary eyed and I tried my bestest to not cry. Allain and Drew might ask me questions about their customers’ concern and I never wanted them to see me crying. Then towards the end of the shift she posted to quick com (QC) that we will have a meeting. Allain gave me a meaningful look. He’s like saying “I told yah so!” I knew it. I replied to her message, “OK…. Hmmmmmmn :$
I sense something” But to lighten up the mood, I said I see dead people, and she just posted a laughing icon. I posted a laughing icon too. She didn’t comment back.

We were asked to enter the huddle room. I was like the 2nd to the last person to enter, because I needed to get a chair, when I came back in, OM was there and STL too. That was kinda weird and sorta confirmed what we were anticipating. That was it, OM announced that TL Kazel will be leaving Walmart and will transfer to CSG. Her last day is today. Wow! Talk about surprises and nice ways of saying goodbye.

I was left speechless and my face was void of any emotions. I didn’t say anything during the meeting. Allain who was at my back was twisting my chair… Sorta confirming me that this is it.

After the meeting I rushed towards Bajoy, my wavemate, my ex teammate, and TL’s ex agent. She gave me that sad look. I knew she was sad about it too. I told her to drop by her station before she leaves and I will be waiting for her. There was Miles (also an ex teammate) too, so I told her to just drop by TL’s station before she leaves.

I clocked out from worked and gave my daily stats to TL and gave her a bear hug and told her I’m gonna miss her. Then Bajoy came in and we talked about the news, then Drew, She and Allain (teammates)were there too and we just talked. Miles and Jazz (ex teammates) passed by the area and we called their attention. It was like an impromptu buhbye moment. No one seemed to know how to express their sadness (if they felt the same way as I did, but I know they did). I texted Doe and Bebe (teammates) because they were on leave and were unaware of the news. Doe texted back “WTF! WTF! What the hell! Nooooooooo!” I let TL read it and she was laughing at his reaction. I can’t describe how I was feeling at the time. It was mixed of emotions for me. I was sad she’s leaving, happy that she’ll leave our boring account, and I know that that how life is, but you know that point when you reach that maximum level of being numb for being overwhelmed. I kissed her goodbye and we guys left. I was just sad while I was leaving the building, on the way to Greenbelt I was texting all my wavemates / exteammates / TL’s ex agents. Everyone was sad about it. Des replied “Powtek!” Ice, “Huh? Bakit? Pano na?” Popo, Jael and Apol, “That’s sad!” I told yah we share the same feelings.

There’s nothing wrong with her leaving. I know it’s for her own good, it’s for her development, it’s for her career growth. I know, I know. I was even anticipating it because there were so many signs she was the one going. So what’s the fuzz all about? Well, for one, that’s TL Kazel, that’s not some other TL who is not just Kazel. Her original team, the Begotten, was so tight (like virgins). We were one solid team for more than a year. It was one heck of a year, it was full of fun. The QC had been a silent witness of our good times. We used to talk everything fun and we laughed like there’s no tomorrow.

Who’s not gonna miss her? She’s one heck of a TL. You know that she’s got a head full of sense. Very understanding, very cool, very encouraging, she’s just the TL that everone loved. She’s more of a friend / a TL… half half… I guess she’s like that to everyone. A leader with a heart! And a heart with a head! (Huh???)

She’ll just be at the 6th floor of the same building and and chances are we still will see her if she comes early to work or we stay at the office late. But it’s different when the person is no longer there. It’s nothing like before, how things used to be. I’ll miss the chicka, the casual stuff we used to share. Well, well, that’s life! I knew it’s gonna happen but I didn’t expect it to be this soon. I wasn’t prepared for this. It was indeed so sudden and I’m saddened!

Anyhow the reshuffling on teams, Ice, Dess, Bajoy and all the waves 9 and 10 (except Allain) moving to other teams sort of eased the situation. I dunno how to handle it if the team was still the team the Begotten way.

But that’s how things are supposes to be. Everything is destiny! But I couldn’t help it. It is like when Steph and Jolou left for San Francisco, I have this pain in my heart, the usual pain I feel whenever a dear friend leaves. You know that thought of not seeing them on a regular basis and stuff. We didn’t even have a sorta farewell episode. But I know that she knows just how much everyone (especially the Begottens) loves her.

So Good Bye TL KAZEL. Thanks for everything! For being the best TL that you are! Walmart will sure never be the same without you. Our days will be more boring… Muah, I know you know I heart you much. God Bless

♫ ♪ I might be over my head
A little over my head
But I kind of like it
I kind of like it
This is not what I expected
A little over my head ♫ ♪

some boys ???

i give up.

there’s no point in trying anymore.

i try and i try and nope they don’t.

so what’s the point?

well at least i tried, right?

sometimes, you just have to give up one some things.

this is one of them.

eh.

w/e

Rihanna / Chis Brown concert

copied from my multiply blog… pictures will be added soon…
nov 16, 2008 / sun

Rihanna said towards the end of the show: “We had so much fun tonight… you guys are an awesome audience… we love you Manila and we will come back, we will.”

I’m lazy to write a review…. I was not that impressed with the concert. I was expecting more from Rihanna. She didn’t dance that much.

After the show, I realized that I enjoyed Chris Brown more than her…. Because he’s yummy and he dances so well….

Was it worth it? Yeah. That’s it.

I enjoyed Christina Aguilera’s more and loved PCD’s most. Between Ne-Yo’s and this, I’d say Chris Brown’s was better.

Seems like Chris Brown lost at least 10 lbs after the concert. He was sweaty the whole time. I wished I was the one who caught that sweaty white long sleeves of him.

Okay details of the show:
Chris Brown came in first…. his shock attack song was Wall to Wall…. I dunno what came next but part of the songs he sang were: Freeze, Kiss Kiss, Excuse Me Miss, With You, No Air, Forever (last song)…. mid of his performace he did an MJ medley, man he danced like him/her haha…. he’s so kulit…. and was sweating I thought we girls wanna lick him… Eww….
Then Rihanna, for the love of ***, made us wait for an hour to come to stage…. I was bored and swearing… Hell no…haha… Then she came in in a harness (nope it was Chris who came in in a harness, Rihanna had this stairs & a capsule which goes up & down - my bro told me so)… Am I right??? or I was really sleepy??? Yeah, I think she did, singing Disturbia…. Then all those songs I dunno the titles…. And she went like, “Manila, are you really this quiet?” And the people said “Whooooooooooooooaaaaaahhhhhhh”, what a reaction, I thought it was answerable by either a yes or a no…. but they proved me wrong…. How in the world are we gonna be noisy when we dunno what you were singing Rihanna….
Finally she sang Rehab, Live Your Life, Pon De Replay, SOS, Break It Up (the duet with Sean tha Paul) then Unfaithful and the crowd went so noisy, they were singing the entire songs, then Pls Dont Stop The Music, Take A Bow. Rihanna had a sudden change of heart and said that we are an awesome audience… Weh????
For the Finale, Chris Brown went back to join her to sing Umbrella the Cinderella Ella Ella Ella E E E Remix. And we girls swooned and got so kilig and make the loudest roar the world could possibly take…. I thought for a while Rihanna got jealous of the attention to her boo…. so she made this maarte / malandi dance moves and the guys made the loudest manyakis roar too… haha.. she proved that she’s the Queen here… haha.. And somewhere in the mid of the number, CB kissed her shoulder… uhmmm, I was jealous… haha… and he said buh bye while saying “I luv yah guys”and she did too but before that she made bola muna to the Pinoys that we rock daw & she can’t wait to come back… haha…. bolera si Rihanna ah siguro tinuruan ni Nicole Scherzinger, friends kasi sila… Haha.

I had fun yeah but I was hoping for more…

I hope when JT visits here, he’ll do more dancing while singing… coz thats what we are looking for… we’re tired of just song numbers and little booty shaking…. BTW, Rihanna’s outfit was quite disturbing (for me) it was like a borderline of tanga and thong…. but don’t worry cuz she got a really nice Brazilian wax in case you wonder. Maybe she just wanted it to fit to her song and really make it Disturbia…. nuff said…

I’ll add more flowery words when I get some sleep… Ima ‘na go to bed… Zzzzzzzzzzzz

look at my vids for some ref

*** continuation *** haha

I forgot to mention that she said she has Filipino friends… wink wink (that’s me & my friends haha)… She even chanted Filipino Filipino (the Apl de Ap way) in one of her numbers. She seemed thrilled to know that 70,000 people went to the concert, which made me think that she is quite humble .

I think the reasons why Chris Brown earned more attention from the crowd during the concert were:

1) Chris Brown showed more of himself by dancing and singing, and dancing while singing. He spinned a lot,  shook his ass & did some streetdancing which we seldom see on a show. He made an effort to put on a show Rihanna on the other just did some back bending ala Pilita Coralez & simple head bangin & just danced a little too bitin.

2) People were already tired after the first set (Chris Brown’s part). It was too hot in the venue and there were too many a people. Then we waited for her for about an hour (understand she needed to set up her stage).

3) Chris’ songs are more danceable than Rihanna’s.

Eh

Freakin BORED!!!

Freakin BORED!!!

Freakin TIRED!!!

Freakin TIRED!!!