Disappointed

I AM WRITING OUT OF DISAPPOINTMENT AND ANGER. I WAS JUST SO ASHAMED I BECOME PART OF SUCH AN INEFFECTIVE COMPANY. IT WAS AN ORGANIZATION OF LAX PEOPLE WHO RELIGIOUSLY BACKBITE ONE ANOTHER!

i even fear that i would later on become like them. i have only negative things to say about its leadership. the head is not really dedicated and seems to not know how to use her authority. coming from a respected university, i have learned and have valued professionalism. i took it to heart, that i have to always work with excellence and fulfill my share of responsibilities.

i had a culture shock the first time i ever step the institution. being always in a hurry and with heavy workload for years, i couldnt believe that such system exist. it is almost near anarchy. nothing much rules, so one staff would boss around.

i once experienced being controlled and bitched around by just an administration staff when in fact the ceo and coo look up to me with such respect. i caught this biatch talking bad behind my back. she was mad i wasnt around to do the things that shes supposed to do. she didnt know that i was just on the next room doing that thing she was whining about. when she opened the door of my room, she was shocked to see me there, perspiring with folders in my hands. but the biatch gave me a fake good afternoon, smiled and even asked if i was doing fine. the nerve of that biatch!

i was not the type who would go right away to the ceo who by the way finds me amazing to destroy her reputation. i want the management to see it for themselves. up until now, this biatch would come up to me to tell that i should report to her because i left some unfinished business, well it was hers, even if the big boss has asked me that i have to do something for him. i dunno how to feel about her. when im around shes nice. and im not stupid enough to know that shes just pretending.

i have never hated anyone in my entire life. i try to always be so accommodating and understanding and loving, but im starting to have a room for hate now. lord knows how much i try to ignore everything but im getting tired of it. shes made of lies and plastics.

i felt so bad towards her one time, i even promised id make myself filthy rich and id slap her with my crunchy pad of dollar bills.

if im starting to hate this woman, another group of people are starting to drain my patience for being so f***ing useless. we just hosted an event and the big figures were so stupid. they didnt know exactly what they were doing. i gave my support but its so hard to support someone whos not worth it. cant even talk directly to people involved, doesnt have an eye for details. i wanted to shout at them for always telling such lame excuse. i felt so ashamed of myself i was part of it. well, actually, i didnt want to be part of it. but some disrespectful of my freedom of choice was about to break our friendship if i wont join, so i joined out of respect or pressure. i foresaw everything, especially on the leadership side. its so hard to correct something when people involved are not as open-minded as me. im use to telling things personally to people involved and  they cant understand it. they might think im too confrontational but i dont care, id rather do it than talk back.

i feel so hopeless for them. things from my up life keep coming back during these times. i miss how people handle their duties there. the impossible become possible. but here, even the simple things become so complicated because people make them so.

im tired of these. just one final blow and i leave this mess behind. so god give me patience!

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